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Friday, October 22, 2010



as i get older, though i am ever more disdainful of emo kids, i continue to be as emo as i was when i was a teenager.


i still suffer from existential angst, the kind you get when looking up into the huge starry night sky and realise how small and fleeting you are, or when you switch off the tv or lie awake at night and wonder about your mortality and that of those around you and how time passes so inexorably, and what it'll feel like when you no longer exist. (and fill yourself with noise to avoid thinking about it).


I hope there is no god and judgement day so that all my closely cradled secrets do not have to be known to others, but if there is none, i regret that my story will die with me in the grave.

I already had my either quarter or mid life crisis five years ago. It was too early to be the second and too late to be the first, unless my final age is rather below or above average.

I have a wife, family, struggling business in a medium i like and a social circle of kind friends. so why is Pure still harbouring emptiness?

It is because I have achieved nothing. I have made no progress in the things I desired most, and done nothing to advance the causes I believe in. There is nothing I can point to years later and write a commentary on that other people would care for. Or even comment on. I have brought neither emotion nor enlightenment to anyone through my words or works.

my life so far is a meaningless cipher.

I want to make you cry. I promised you I would. Yet I haven't done it yet.