the end of days

in the hazy light of a ten o clock window i talked and spoke, but no words came. No words could say what i wished, no sentences could hold the meaning of what i mean and what i feel.

in a room with many doors i find myself wondering at the wisdom of the life i lead. You asked me what i want. I ask myself that often too.

i want to hear a meow and know that it is meant for me (i know you are there, you say it all the time, but never to me).

I wandered out into an afternoon of cane sugar and phone calls, listening to ring tones and sad overtones. I think of time, slipping by, slipping away.

You are beautiful who ask me what i am and what i want, splendid skaters on a lake of glassy ice. 'We are virtual,' i thought i heard you say, and didn't get the chance to find out what that meant. You are virtual and real, you are promise and energy; it dances even when you are still.

I listen to the music the Camels make, I listen to the dreamy sounds from the cutting edge of the spectrum. I wonder when we will move people the way music is supposed to. Weeks ago I watched a band named Shelf, and they were better than any college band which that college has ever produced, better in their first performance than my own band was in its first. it never won the rather ridiculous competition it was entered in, even though it should have. But it reminds me that competition means nothing, that one result means nothing. We are disheartened by results, by losing, when actually it means absolutely fuck all. They were the best no matter what result occurred and that is plain to me. Yet if i can say that about them, and if i can say that to you the sparkle skaters on the glassy lake, then why can't i say that to myself?

yesterday evening as the sun hung low and flat in the sky and the air was insipid, i watched a puddle of water film over with a greasy rainbow of oil from an engine. the rainbow was beautiful heaviness, and it spread and choked the light and clarity out of the little road puddle. i felt it on my skin.

I want to be- I want to see- I want to feel- Pure.