c'est le reve

the dream.

it was a national day parade. i knew it to be so because there were fireworks in the daytime (the logic can't be explained in waking hours). we had coffee with mutual friends. you had a hotel room overlooking the parade and pyrotechnics. your husband was busy with his schoolkids at the parade, he would only be free later. crowds everywhere. when coffee was over, you said you were going back to the room, to while away time before he got back late. the mutual friends melted away. i offered to stay with you, to keep you company. perhaps i had been playful during the coffee already.

we stood at the lift lobby. we pressed the button. i was joking with you about something. i put my arm around you. there was more talk. i kissed you. you didn't stop me. i think you kissed me back.

we were in the lift, i tried to casually press the buttons for the high floor so the lift wouldn't stop and this moment wouldn't have to end, then it wasn't a lift it was a storeroom, then it wasn't a storeroom it was a hotel room, then it was a lift again and that continued. i alternated between anxiousness over the buttons, being seen, and wondering why the door to the room was ajar.

i tried to put my hand up your skirt or down your pants. you screamed then, and i thought to myself, shit the spell is broken, the moment over. it must have been a spell that let me kiss you. you said to me, there are some things that are only for a husband. i thought that was that, the moment was over. instead you kissed me. apparently there are some other things that i can share with husbands.

you felt tiny in my embrace. i cradled you almost, arms wrapped around you tight. finally while i was kissing your neck i couldn't help but wonder why the door was ajar, and there was a person sitting on a bed with red sheets right in front of it.

i turned to look, and i woke. it was a shivering sweaty wakening .

it was just a dream. why can't i look at you the same.